17. marts 1981

“Jeg er holdt op med at træde vande. Jeg kan ikke længere spille familie. Nu synker jeg bare.

Jeg har brug for at komme væk. Men kæreste du, forstå, at jeg gør det, for at jeg engang kan komme hjem igen. Jeg kommer hjem til jer igen. Jeg håber I vil være der, når jeg gør.”

En bror og søster opdager, mens de er i gang med rydde op i deres afdøde mors hjem, en bunke breve fra deres far. Han forlod familien for 35 år siden, da børnene var ganske små, og har ikke vist sig siden.

Sårbare og famlende beslutter de at følge i deres fars fodspor. Tøvende ord om dengang og nu, et kærkomment latterudbrud, indforståede smil, vrede smæld, afdæmpede bebrejdelser og den akavede stilhed mellem fremmede fylder bilen, mens vi følger dem på deres færd gennem Nordens uendelige nåleskove. De møre gamle kuverter åbnes, og faderens forvirrede ord presser sig på.

Opkald fra broderens hustru, søsterens hviskende dagbog samt de mennesker, de møder på deres vej er alt sammen med til at prikke til de to søskendes tanker om faderen, om hinanden og om deres eget sted i livet.

Indtil vi finder ham er historien om to knudrede mennesker der deler fortid men er gledet fra hinanden. Bevæbnede med spørgsmål og med deres fars breve forsøger de at finde en mening. Måske møder de ham. Måske giver de op. Måske finder de hinanden. Måske bliver det hele ikke bedre end det er.

March 17th, 1981

“I stopped trying to keep afloat. I can’t play at being a family any longer. I’ll just let myself sink now.

I need to get away. But my dearest, please understand that I do this in order to be able to return one day. I will return. I hope that you will be there when I do.”

While sorting through their late mother’s belongings, a brother and a sister find a pile of letters from their father. He left the family when the children were still young 35 years ago and has not been seen since.

Vulnerable and floundering, they decide to follow the tracks of their father. Reluctant words about then and now, a welcome bout of laughter, knowing smiles, angry snaps, muted recriminations, and the awkward silences of strangers fill the car as we follow the siblings through the endless pine forests of the North. The confused words of the father impress themselves on them as the moldy, old envelopes are opened.

Phone calls from the brother’s wife, the sister’s whispered diary, and the people they meet on their way, all combine to nudge the siblings to think of their father, of each other, and of each their place in life.

Until we find him is the story of two people sharing a past, but who have drifted apart. Armed with questions and their father’s letters, they try to make sense of it all. Maybe they will find him. Maybe they will give up. Maybe they will find each other. Maybe things won’t get better than they are.