"You need discipline"!...
The words cut the fragile fabric of inner peace to shreds with their inevitable truth, and pushed Fred onwards through the pouring rain. Death could only have been a release from this unbearable pain, as it tore at his very soul denying him the only thing he had ever craved: "Rest".
It seemed as if he was doomed to continue this unworthy, blasphemous and agonized existence as a punishment for sins he had not comitted, nor ever would. Maybe that was what he had done wrong. Maybe you are supposed to be a sinner? If you have never sinned, then how can you ever be forgiven? Well, right now he needed no forgiveness, only to be forgotten. As the sky roared in agreement with his thoughts and another lightning struck, Fred looked up into what could have been the fury of God, and a silent curse emanated from his tormented heart. Slowly grinding its way through his body and mind, it spoke itself with his voice. It took forever and yet had past in an instant.
Had his own mouth not formed the word, he would never have heard it over the infernal storm, even though the pain in his throat suggested that he had not only spoken but screamed out his suffering.
This word held no meaning. Not in any conventional way. It was the knowing that once uttered in his quiet mind, it proclaimed his doom with a certaincy he knew to be true. He had turned his back on his friends, his family, his very life but he had never turned his back on the hope that someday it could change. That someday he might just get his share of what everyone else had.
Giving up on his own lost heart it bubbled forth through him, surfacing with the speed of pain, and as he cried it out the heavens mockingly echoed his voice: "Why"?!?
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